Make it STOP!!!
Mood:
caffeinated
late night... usual scene... me plus a huge coffee mug... or two... probably three mugs... (but who's counting)
I don't know what to think of these blogs... is anybody ever going to read it? who? why? how much do i want to reveal to anybody, anyway?
whatever... i just wanted to write down my thoughts... just blurt out what's in my head... try to make some sense out of it... probably organize my thoughts. yes, that's what this is all about... my head is a whirlwind of ideas, emotions, feelings... and the noise they make is so loud i can hardly put up with it... so i need some organization.
i know i'm not making any sense.... but hey! this is my journal after all, so if you don't relate, don't understand, or don't care... just close this window and let me be myself!
So... as i was saying before i interrupted myself, my thoughts are a mess.
Basically what annoys me the most is realizing stuff about myself that i don't want to see, least of all, correct or at least make an attempt to sort out. Of course it is easier to live in the darkness, but denial leads nowhere... it
is helpful for a while, but after some time ignoring one's thoughts is just being a
coward... and nothing can make me angrier than realizing that's what i've become.
So, these past days i've come to realize that (drumroll......) the stuff that annoys me and makes me really mad about other people is the same stuff that I can't fight myself.
I am sooooooooo projecting my own anger in other people - actually, my mother accounts for most of it!
Meaning, I get mad at her for the same things that I can't correct in myself... I have only now opened my eyes to the fact that I shouldn't be mad at her for the things that I haven't changed in my own person.
Does that make any sense or is too much caffeine and the fact that it is already 5.30 in the morning and i can't get any sleep affecting me?
Posted by danielamvd
at 2:26 AM EST
surprised